IN MEMORIUM: Mr. Whippy (1996-2007)
MR. WHIP E. COLI, THE CELEBRATED PERITRICHOUS BACTERIUM, has collapsed and died in the course of a lecture delivered by Dr. William Dembski on 17 September 2007 in Oklahoma.
Better known by his stage name of “Mr. Whippy”, he was incubated in a “Black Box” by Dr. Michael Behe in 1996, and from a tender age drew acclaim for his magnificient flagellum, the excellence of which reduced Dr. Behe and some others to a state of Irreducible Perplexity.
Sold to the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Discovery Circus, Mr. Whippy and his astounding flagellum was exhibited alongside the Mysteriously-Invisible Peer-Reviewed Publication, the Incredibly-Ancient Argument from Ignorance, and other amazing sideshow marvels purporting to herald the end of materialist science and finally ‘whip’ the godless Darwinists into submission. Three times a day, Mr. Whippy would step forth on stage to spin his flagellum at an incredible 17,000 rpm while his barker would challenge spectators to explain how such a marvel of nano-engineering could have been assembled by blind and random chance alone.
Although the brutal Darwinist thought-police quickly demonstrated that Mr. Whippy was a “One-Trick E. coli“, and the ‘trick’ was actually yet another exemplar of classic descent with modification, his popularity was little diminished outside scientific circles.
Seeking a mascot for his own brand of household filters, Dr. Dembski engaged Mr. Whippy and regularly exhibited him on his website and at public speaking engagements. Tragically, the presence at just such an event last Monday of ruthless Darwinists armed with over 30 years worth of solid data proved fatal when Mr. Whippy collapsed under the crushing weight of evidence. With his dying flick of the flagellum, Mr. Whippy was heard to whisper, “Let me then be towed to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned Darwin! Thus, I give up the flail!”
Neither Dr. Dembski nor his spokesman (rumoured to have missed the event due to commitments at FreeRepublic.com) have been available for comment. However, as ruthlessly as Trotsky was airbrushed out of shared photos of Stalin, the overworked little E. coli has been torn from the masthead of Dr. Dembski’s website. Until recently, visitors to Uncommon Descent were greeted by Mr. Whippy’s cheerfully waving flagellum:
But suddenly, it appears to be, “Goodbye, Mr. Whips!”:
This move, coming so soon after the mysterious disappearance of John Angus Campbell — a self-outed “Darwinist” infiltrator — has fuelled speculation of a secret purge within the Discovery Institute Politburo. Professional DI watchers suspect that we will hear even less from Seattle’s Desperate Thinktankers about ‘science,’ but even more than hitherto about ‘persecution’, ‘censorship’, and a great deal of ‘it’s not fair!’
Mr. Whippy is survived by over 6 trillion offspring–some of which, due to a small, chance genetic mutation, sport even more remarkable flagella capable of 17,001 rpm.
The funeral will be held in Tulsa at 3 pm next Friday at The Church of Our Lady of the Scourge and Auto-Flagellents. No flowers.
BREAKING NEWS! The image of Mr. Whippy has been restored at Uncommon Descent! Perhaps the ‘Intelligent Design’ proponents realise they have no other implement with which to flog their dead horse?